Lifeline

I have this sinking feeling
Something's weighing me down
I am completely saturated
The waves are crashing closer
My feet already drowned
Doing the thing I said I hated

They've been swimming in the wrong water
Now they're pulling me down
But I am clinging to you, never letting go
'Cos I know that you'll lift me out

Have Your way here
Keep me afloat 'cos I know I'll sink without You
Take this ocean of pain that is mine
Throw me a lifeline

Wake up feeling convicted
I know something's not right
Re-acquaint my knees with the carpet
I have to get this out
'Cos it's obstructing You and I
Dry up the seas that keep us parted

--Lifeline, Brooke Fraser

It's strange when a song embodies everything you're feeling right now. I hope I'll stay afloat, still clinging. Cos I'm still wondering if You mean to pull me out, or if You really want me to stay in the waters, drowning cos perhaps who knows, it's good for me?

It's been a tough few days. I don't know how to proceed. I'm stressed to pieces and I'm not sure where I'm headed. Times like this are rough, because I'm wondering where my life is going, what I'm doing with my life.

I'm faced with my own inadequacies, my weaknesses, my pride and prejudice and I feel helpless in this web.

I know He'll change me, but I keep feeling, why not fast enough! I want to change, so badly, but all I do is drown my feet and do the thing I said I hated.

Why am I so weak? That He may be strong? Does He want me to be strong too? Or...that He will break me that I may depend only on Him.

If He be my only vision, perhaps I would not be so wrought. Perhaps I am looking at myself too much...and the imperfections hurt me. If I look to Him, perhaps beholding is becoming, and I may be like Him without this struggle. But to be like Him, is to be unaware of how I am.