Faith

Today's devotion! So qiao right? ^^

Faith and Humility

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. --Hebrews 11:1

There are a great deal of things that I need to have faith about. For one thing, the fact that I need to improve myself and learn to deal with some people in a better manner, because it is right and it is good and just because they irritate me (and mymy they shouldn't, because they are the people who love me most) well, I think this is one of the hardest things I have to do...but I HAVE TO DO IT because it is the right thing to do. Denying myself constantly and without stop for breath is probably the hardest thing for me to do, because I always go easy on myself, but what is a test unless there is a standard pegged to it?

Test or not, it isn't ultimately a test of myself, but rather, a test of my own ability to have faith in God, and to increase my dependance of Him by utterly denying all that is me, and my own feelings of irritation.

Urgh. I think of how I feel and I know how wrong it is to feel this way. How ugly it makes me, how dreadful! I think it's because I think of myself as a great, big Somebody and that is why it irritates me to feel like the Nobody I should be!

Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory, but in lowliness of mind let each consider other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. -- Philippians 2:3-4

God has been getting at me for two items lately. Faith, firstly, and secondly, humility.

I have very little faith. I have always a niggling feeling inside that God will not answer. But then I realize that if a desire is good and right and God-honoring then, God says that I can have faith that what I hope for will come to pass, even if I cannot see it right now. So it is not trusting in my good God, in the plans that He has for me, in the goodness He desires to see in me. So let me have more faith, and know that God is changing me and He is truly changing me and I WILL CHANGE and it will be a beautiful and God-honoring change that I can praise God for in times to come.

And I am a very proud person. I often do not consider myself lower than other people. This pride is always in me. In all the niggling things in life I have to pick and choose portions where I am better than another, just to feel better about myself. Urgh, isn't this ugly? I think my pride comes through and it isn't a nice thing to see. So I must pray for God to humble me. I am even afraid to pray this because I am terrified at what He will do, but I think my character change is more important than my feelings.

PRAY FOR LOWLINESS OF MIND AND TO CONSIDER OTHERS BETTER THAN MYSELF.

Everyone is better than myself. Every human is to be treated with the utmost respect, and to look to them to see what we might learn. If I feel superior to the Bangladeshi worker because I earn more money, well, God says that is wrong. So this is to banish feelings of superiority. I feel like a very terrible person now, but God says when we feel terrible about ourselves, that's when we are most close to God.

That's humility. It's less about feeling good than doing right. And then it becomes less surface happiness and it becomes something very close to joy. Jesus, Others, You. That's what JOY is.

The removal of self from the equation.

Now I must wait up patiently for information from another. And let me do this humbly, and not consider my time as so very important that I cannot wait for another. 

The Sabbath

Today, I was forced to observe the sabbath.

And I think I really need this sabbath.

I slept all day and I'm still so exhausted. And my backache is terrible.

So it is good, to observe the sabbath day. Thank God for creating the sabbath!

Been attending Chinese Service lately, with Joelle and Pei Ling. haha. I am semi-clueless throughout the service.

But the Chinese Version of 1st Corinthians 13 is very pretty!

爱是恒久忍耐， 又有恩慈； 爱是不嫉妒， 爱是不自夸， 不张狂，不作害羞的事，不求自己的益处， 不轻易发怒，不计算人的恶，不喜欢不义， 只喜欢真理；凡事包容，凡事相信，凡事盼望， 凡事忍耐；
林前十三 4－7

and the memory verse for today:

出埃及记第二十章17节
不可贪恋人的房屋；也不可贪恋人的妻子，仆婢，牛驴， 并他一切所有的。

Of Resolutions

It's Chinese New Year and I realize I haven't really done any resolution making. I was kinda busy over the New Year and I never bothered to think properly about some really important stuff.

Well, I suppose this CNY hols I better be honest and write down some important stuff.

So this will be my resolution list:

1) Sign up for that PPE exam. I've had everything ready since last year but I've been putting it off because I've been being an idiot. It's not a difficult thing to do. Just drop the thing at the BCA and start meeting with my supervisors every 3 months. Argh, so hard to do meh? But me, and my fickle-minded indecisiveness will kill me one day.

2) Be more decisive. Sometimes, I believe I am very decisive. And then I realize that I'm not really. I really don't know what to be. Should I be decisive? Arghh.

3) Join a marathon. Even 10km one will do. Just go and run okay!

4) Go on a holiday. All my leave doesn't have to be spent on going home!! I need a real break sometimes. I love home, and I love my family, but this Singapore Working Environment requires a Real Break where I can hang around somewhere noone knows me and I get to put a hat over my head and collapse on a beach. Ok, I can't do that on a mission trip...but God knows it'll be better than the Singapore Working Environment. I bet they have R&R too.

5) Mission Trip. (May be Combined with Resolution No.4) I have no idea where. The Philippines was once an option. Actually it still is, but I want to try a new place. Vietnam, Cambodia, Myanmar, Indonesia? Shanghai? I'm not sure yet. The missions team at church has yet to come up with their list. I await it with an open mind. If not, I'm considering going to India with my friend's church team. Always wanted to do India, anyway.

6) Figure out this relationship thing. It's very confusing and I'm not sure half the time what is going on. Why are boys so confusing? What on earth do they want? What are they thinking? What did they think they were doing? What is the point? Why don't they tell us what they are thinking? Why just do and not say! Argggh. Anyway, I do believe that I'm not going to be single. I think I want to adopt alot of kids. Anyway, it certainly takes alot of providence to find someone to fall in love with, and who falls in love with you too. So I suppose I'm going to tack on some trust on that. And God, of course, our greatest matchmaker.

7) Pick up guitar. Dad wants me to. He wants one of his kids to play guitar, and since I'm the manliest of his girls he spent CNY trying to teach me guitar. I think I'm hopeless, but one should be nice to one's dads. My little bro is a pianist and the other bro prefers to knock computers about and swipe his ipad. So I think I'll spend sat mornings learning guitar then. I think there are classes held in church.

8) Volunteer. Alright. I've been thinking of doing this for ages. Ever since I gave up tuition on Saturday mornings I am seeking to do something about it. I can't learn guitar and volunteer at the same time. So which one comes first? And can I handle so many things? I also need to keep house and do laundry and  sweep and mop the floor and bake. I always like to fill up my time with so many things I hardly have time to breathe. Then I drop everything and realize I have too much time to breathe and then I get sick. So stupid. So volunteer or guitar? I dunno. Anyway, I want to do something with Autistic kids or Down Syndrome etc. Maybe just troubled kids. I can't really handle old people...but then that's just how I feel. I am going to pray God open some door nearby so I can helps some group of people.

*side note: I realize alot of people pray about something they have already thought about. I tend to pray things like: Hello God I don't know what to do please open the door and I'll walk through it. I suppose this is a side effect of my indecisiveness.
*Ok I have sent out a ton of volunteer forms. I'm not even sure where I have applied now.

9) This is the I Think I Can't Do It But I Must Resolve To kind of resolution. I have realized one thing about myself: I am a horrible person when people are horrible to me. Heh. It takes character to be a nice person when people are horrible to me. So, I need to develop a character that is sweet and kind and honorable even when treated in a most disgraceful manner (Or So I Think).

There really should be a 10 but I'm poofed and need to prepare dinner.

Tata. I've done my duty for this year. Pray I'll be able to keep it.

10) I have suddenly learned about this thing called discipling. I need to find one person to disciple this year. It has suddenly become an Important Thing. I shall look among the younger girls at church and learn to share my life with her. I have some idea who already but I shall pray about it so that I will know if it is God's will or not, or just some silly notion I have in my head.

Fear of Death

2 Corinthians 4

Therefore, since God in His mercy has given us this new way, we never give up. We reject all shameful deeds and underhanded methods. We don't try to trick anyone or distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know this. If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing.

Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don't believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don't understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God. You see, we don't go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves your servants for Jesus' sake.

For God, who said, "Let there be light in the darkness,"has made this light shine in our hearts so that we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies. 

Yes, we live in constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you. But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, "I believed in God, so I spoke." We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you.

All of this is for your benefit. And as God's grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory. That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever!

So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

say

i have a lost evening.

i had plans this evening, but the plans were cancelled, thus, what could have been, was lost.

so how do i spend this lost evening?

i want to catch a sunset...

a beautiful sunset.

so i will run today, run in the evening...

and rejoice in my health, in my youth, in the pleasure of pushing my body once again.

it's a long time since i've had the chance to run!

my body is tingling with the pleasure of the idea.

oh how i've missed my runs!! oh how glad i am for the alone time!!

how glad for duties forgotten, and happiness derived!!

God, thank God for You!!! For all You have blessed me with!!

For a backache gone, for a headache gone!! Thank God for health!! Oh thank God for youth!!

Haha :)

Thank God for His wisdom, and guidance, in all I do.

Father, You are mighty, and worthy of all praise!

2013

This year, I want to learn one thing: To praise and serve God no matter what the circumstances.

Because He is good, and His plans are good, and I must trust in Him!

This world is imperfect, and everyone in it is imperfect.

I'm not certain what will happen this year, but He is constant and never changing. Thank God for that.

I begin this year on uncertain footing. Still, there is something special about it.

I am glad, glad for the goodness He has placed in my life. He has blessed me so, and will continue to bless me, with everything I need, no more and no less, exactly enough.

So this year begins with praise, no matter what the circumstances.