Chowchow

chowchowisn'titadorable


seetheblacktongue!!!

Like my bloggie's new look? Haha, the pic up there was painted by ME!!! In super emo mode!! :P First time using gouache...

A Whole Lot of FEELINGS

Resentment is a horribly destructive feeling. It makes things so ugly.

Okay, I will stop talking about that.

I've done something. I hope...things will work out.

Let it be.

I went out with Meei Yunn today!! Haha, she better send me the photos! Bug bug bug!!!



We went to Vivocity and ate at the Food Court. Then we went to Singapore River!! Lol, Meei Yunn and I became each others 'other' for the night haha and we left Sam to be with 'his other' which happens to be somewhere around his chest area.

It sure is a romantic place! Haha, we entered Fullerton Hotel to ask about the Kueh Lapis they sell ($53 for 1kg) and left quite stunned. We then visited the toilets there...cool...and went out and sat on the steps and pretended to be emo...Meei Yunn and I sat and planned to do something rather mad tomorrow...will it be taking a risk, or just being young? I wonder...

I also wonder about myself and relationships. Haha...I have my ideals all in my head, and I'm going to find someone who fits...perhaps...told Meei Yunn I don't want a boyfriend for a couple of years yet...I don't argue that sometimes I wish I could just enter one when the feelings are strong...if you know what I mean...argh, I don't understand myself.

I was chatting with a friend...and I think we worked some things out. Sometimes I wonder what other people feel, and some people I know I can really tell what I feel to. And am surprised by how they feel the same. And how we all are so different, and how there are always masks on our faces. And how...we handle things differently, and how the masks are necessary, sometimes. The Bible does tell us to restrain our anger...to let it be one day before we act.

It's been an emotional half term. So many things...I've learned a lot.

I am still learning...and hurting, hurting...

Yeah, I hurt easily.

But then there are times when I really cannot understand...

Really cannot.

And now I see another perspective...perhaps there is more to understand.

I wonder.

There are so many layers in everything, so many complications.

Like communism, sometimes things don't work out in real life...

It's complex.

Bitching

Okay, there is this thing called 'bitching'.

Girls like to do it. Guys do it too, only they are more discreet about it.

Guys can bitch, really.

Girls have more talons, though. And are cattier.

I've done it. I don't normally bitch, but yup, I've started.

This is bad.

Well, if I understand right, bitching is what you do when you are 'bu shuang' about something or someone, and then you tell someone about it and you bitch.

I've fallen headlong into this world.

Cos you see I have been very 'bu shuang' about something lately. And when a friend mentioned how she felt about the situation, all the resentment I had been keeping inside bubbled over and I started bitching about it.

I am still seriously piqued by what has been happening. But I will stop bitching.

Argh. It was so comforting to let all the resentment out. So relieving to find that other people felt the same way you were. Argh argh argh.

It's bad talking behind people's back. And I hate it. And I have been doing it. What a hypocrite I am. I want to tell the person(s) to the face that the person(s) has been wrong, but then I don't want to because if I do confront the person, things will become very, very terrible. I can see it now. O.o Cold war.

I want to start over, forget, start anew. Pretend I'm meeting you (all) again. Hello, hi, what's your name.

I will stop bitching. And I will treat you (all) like everything never happened. Okay.

Well, I wonder if it's better to let resentment build up inside, or let it go. I guess I could let it go by hitting something very, very hard, and it better not be someone's face. Haha.

Are you all readers shocked? I am not a very nice person, really. I want to be, but I'm not T.T

Pray very hard for me, can? :D

Today was submission for P1. I think Patrick Starfish is really cute hahaha. I have the cutest tutor.

Cliques and Gossip

Cliques become dangerous when they start isolating themselves from others.

Cliques become dangerous when they don't allow others into it. Internal jokes are all very well, but when someone else is present, it excludes them.

Some cliques make you feel comfortable, even when you are not part of them, and those are the nice cliques.

Cliques can be good or bad.

The tongue can be used to comfort. The tongue can kill.

I realize that working in a group isn't easy. There are people don't know what other people are doing, and pre-judge. There are people who kick others in the face because they want to cover up for themselves. The tongue is very dangerous.

The working world is going to be hard.

The people in my group aren't bad though. After all, we are a group. Groups have to stick together, somehow.

Why do people back stab? It's so evil. You want to tell a person off, tell them to the face. Argh, I want to learn not to judge people, I don't want to listen to gossip. Gossip that kills people's reputations, that puts others in bad perspectives. It's quite difficult to, and sometimes I cannot avoid it. Yet it's not easy to look at the speaker and tell him/her it is wrong, because everyone else doesn't seem to be troubled. Why can't someone put a good word in for the person, to balance the bad? Everyone has good points and bad.

The tongue can really kill.

One Step at a Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting
We live and we learn to take

One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen when it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
When you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way we get there
Is one step at a time

I've been having a mild flu and a bad headache lately. Sigh. And then I've been feeling dissatisfied and lonely and silly. And I've been suddenly wanting to close down this blog and withdraw from the blogging world completely. You know, the same old feeling of privacy being invaded that I used to have.

Argh, bad headache, bad, bad headache.

I've got a predilection for J.Co donuts, and got some today :D Headache+super sweet sugar loaded donuts+gilmore girls+hot cereal=headache lessened slightly+warm fuzzy homey feel...

Now if only it would rain, then I would feel warm and fuzzy all over. Haha, I wish Christmas were closer, I always had a thing for Christmas...warm fuzzy homey feel, hot chocolate, Christmas carols, cake baking, biscuit making...walking stick candies, roasted turkeys, presents, family...I'm gonna roast a turkey this Christmas, just you wait. Turkey with cranberry sauce mmmm...And try Christmas pudding, never tried before...Ginger biscuits, spiced teacakes, log cake!! Gonna be fun! Haha, family will be happy, since they are now on a strictly fat free diet if news from aunty is anything to go by...

Suddenly I realize there's more to life. Just that I forgot because I'm looking at one perspective only. I'm filled with gladness at all the varieties I see.

I like donuts :D

Suddenly I'm struck by...by...by WANDERLUST!!! I wanna get out of my comfort zone, live on the edge! What am I doing stuck here!! ARGH!!!

Been feeling sooo dissatisfied with EVERYTHING recently...

And then I like that song up there because it says: Take things one step at a time...One step at a time, there's no need to rush...it's gonna happen, when it's supposed to happen...

It slows me down. There is much I have to learn, much I have to train myself to do...before I can do things.

Faithful in little things. So many things I can do right now. Am I doing right?

Well, have to answer each individual part of the general question one step at a time... :P

Argh, my headache is getting worse. I haven't gotten sick for the past two years and I'm sick now?

Architecture is not good for me...the last two nights been sleeping at 5am because I'm in the 'night team' where we work on the scroll saws at night when the rest of the groups are sleeping. Been very effective. But argh. I'm sick. I don't catch flu one...why am I having the flu...

I think I'm delirious. Stupid. Argh. Gnite. Probably won't be in church tomorrow, even though I have to help out at Children's Church...just messaged Yvonne. If I'm okay I may just make it...but I don't want the kids to get my flu also...

Agape

Testify To Love


All the colors of the rainbow
All the voices of the wind
Every dream that reaches out
that reaches out to find
where love begins
Every word of every story
Every star in every sky
Every corner of creation
Lives to testify

CHORUS:
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love
I'll be a witness in the silences
When words are not enough
With every breath I take
I will give thanks to God above
For as long as I shall live
I will testify to love

From the mountains to the valleys
From the rivers to the seas
Every hand that reaches out
Every hand that reaches
out to offer peace
Every simple act of mercy
Every step to kingdom come
All the hope in every heart
Will speak what love has done

This was the song written for the series Touched By an Angel. I haven't watched it, and probably do not have time to, but I find some of the lyrics very close to my heart. In one way, it reiterates what I have been learning in the John Piper series, that all creation points toward God and His great love for us.

I like the lines 'I'll be a witness in the silences when words are not enough'...it reminds me that we are representing Christ here on earth. Our every conduct is scrutinized by the world. We may say that we are Christians, but are we living as Christ lived? Words are not enough. Always.

Perhaps it can also be applied to the context of helping others. There are times when you cannot share the gospel. It is a mockery. When a person is dying of hunger you don't tell him that Jesus is the bread of life. You feed him, and only then can you can tell him that Jesus can satisfy his soul like the bread has satisfied his body.

I learned a new word! Volitional: a conscious choice or decision.

Love is volitional. Agape love is volitional, it is self-sacrificing, divine and unconditional. It is the sort of love we should be having.

I realize how wrong I have been. I have been moody lately, and I swing from being wildly happy to wildly unhappy. It requires discipline to master my moods and become a more steady person. Now is the time to build my character, and in a book I have been reading recently it says that habit is character. It's true. So all one has to do is to cultivate good habits, and good character will follow...

Application. Something I've been wondering about. It's all very easy to say we have to put God first in everything. But how do we apply it in our lives? I don't think I have been applying it in many aspects.

I wonder sometimes if I am a masochist. I seem to like to make myself suffer.

Life's Brief Candle

I visited Ah Kong today. Aunty Gina cooked, and I met my mom's cousin, Aunty Lisa. And Uncle Meng and Aunty Ling came, along with Kang Siang!! We found a bunch of old photos...



We look so alike! O.o Isn't Kang Siang adorable? (There is a hidden message in that) Only...only I look like a boy!! (I'm the baby on top. My cousin who is one year old now is the one at the bottom...)

I visited the Peranakan branch of the Asian Civilization museum today, which used to be the old Tao Nan School. The museum was located in Armenian Street, which was nearer to City Hall than Raffle's Place, where I hopped off. I took a lot of photos...I will bore everyone with it, once I've done some proper research. On the way to Armenian Street, I passed through dear old Kampong Glam again. I actually miss the place, even though I hated it so much last sem. Some things die hard on you. It's actually a remarkably interesting place, with it's own atmosphere that grew on me and which I cannot find elsewhere...places have SOULS...no I am not blaspheming...it is metaphorical. Nay, personification.??

After that I walked a lot and started accidentally stalking a guy in a black shirt with two sling bags across his shoulders in a criss-cross pattern. I have no idea why but it seemed that everywhere I wanted to go he was going also. I followed him across several roads, across a bridge over the river, into some shopping mall called The Central and then I purposely went into a clothing store in order to stop following the guy...then I walked out into the main part of the plaza and he was standing there watching a band performance outside. Uh oh. So I went back into the clothing store and stayed there for another ten minutes looking at expensive clothes and when I went out he had disappeared. Thank goodness. Then I found I was now at Clarke Quay mrt (Wah, I walked a lot today).

So I decided to go Chinatown (one stop away) to check the place out just in case I am given that place to study next time (quite likely). It was quite boring. I finally ended up at Harborfront mrt. I went to Vivocity (I have gone there quite often in recent days :P) and took number 10 back.

It's been a long day. I have blabbered long enough. However I think of all these things to blab about I have not the slightest idea.

Oh, I wrote a bucket list. Haha.

And I want to watch Touched By An Angel.